Lesson 2: Eating tasty food doesn’t make you a “foodie”- it makes you a fatty.

What’s more, posting everything you eat on instagram doesn’t make you a restaurant critic…it makes you a douche.

That brownie will look just as fattening when it's not in the spotlight on the floor

That brownie will look just as fattening when it’s not in the spotlight on the floor

Don’t get me wrong, I love some bacon. And during the bacon craze (also known as the brussel sprout era), I took pictures of pretty much anything related to bacon.  So what’s the difference between me and you, Mr. Douche? One thing, and this is the guideline for today’s lesson:

I genuinely loved food and anything that might be considered a “food snob” or “foodie” before everyone in the world jumped on that train. Yes, seriously. When i was 6 and asked to draw a picture of my favorite food, I drew a picture of an artichoke and a jar of capers, because I couldn’t decide which I liked better.  This is a true story- you can ask Ms. Eve, my 1st grade teacher.  I’m sure she thought about calling Child Protective Services for lack of pizza-eating.

So it boils down to this: If you have an appreciation for food that goes beyond taking pictures and eating whatever you want without regard for your heart, waistline, and overall health, you’re NOT a douche.

It also might help if you actually cook once in a while, too.

Burgers always look best in Valencia, dude. But low-fi really makes that ketchup look like something special. hmmm...decisions, decisions...

Burgers always look best in Valencia, dude. But low-fi really makes that ketchup look like something special. hmmm…decisions, decisions…

If a douche eats a charcuterie without instagramming, do those calories still count?

If a douche eats a charcuterie without instagramming, do those calories still count?

Just because you upload this doesn't mean it's not something 3rd graders are eating. In lunchrooms. Right now.

Just because you upload this doesn’t mean it’s something 3rd graders aren’t eating. In lunchrooms. Right now.

About these ads

2 comments

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s