Earn More Confidence

Dilemma: You want to look like Bradley Cooper, but you don’t, and never will.  You want to be richer, smarter, leaner, etc.  Therefore, you shy away from taking chances at work, and feel somewhat inadequate with women.  Sound familiar?

The good news is women don’t care as much about looks and money as you think. What they DO care about is confidence.

$20 says he has major swag

$20 says he has major swag

She was already rich...didn't need his money.

She was already rich…didn’t need his money.

Before Brad, there was Billy Bob. Dude has major confidence.

Before Brad, there was Billy Bob. Dude has major confidence.

This model could have any famous guy.  He has what you could have, too...

This model could have any famous guy. He has what you could have, too…

Confidence is a state of mind, and you EARN confidence by making small but significant changes in your life.

Building confidence starts with improving yourself:

Step 1: Do 20 push-ups every morning, immediately after getting out of bed. Then, do 50 sit-ups. Do this DAILY, even if you already workout.

Step 2: Learn something new each day. This can be anything—read the news, watch a documentary, visit a museum, research turtles or penguins or sharks…it doesn’t matter…just learn something!  If you devote half the time you spend on facebook to learning new, interesting things about the world, your knowledge will increase exponentially.

Step 3: Save more money. If you can’t save more money with your current income, get creative with other (legal and ethical) ways to make extra cash outside your main job.  There are all types of ways to make money from home: sell items on craigslist/ebay, work on Amazon mechanical turks, start a successful blog. You can even go old school with a side business—mow lawns on the weekends or even have a lemonade stand:)

Step 4: Become more spiritually active.  Even the most avid atheists can enjoy spiritual peace.  Celebrate whatever higher power you believe in, even if it’s mother earth.  Appreciate the color of the sky, the magnificence of the stars, the wonder of the oceans. Be aware of the world you live in, and be grateful. Your time is limited, after all.

 

Resources I love:

For Fitness and Health:

http://www.crossfit.com/  http://www.mensfitness.com/training/workout-routines  http://thepaleodiet.com/ http://www.fatsickandnearlydead.com/

For Wealth:

http://100startup.com/   http://thesecret.tv/   http://financialmentor.com/wealth-building/how-to-build-wealth/7699  https://www.mturk.com/mturk/welcome  http://www.retailmenot.com

For Peace of Mind and Knowledge:

http://tatfoundation.org/best_spiritual_sites.htm  http://www.lifehack.org/articles/lifestyle/15-steps-to-cultivate-lifelong-learning.html   http://www.arthistory.net/  http://www.davincilife.com/

Don’t Leave Home Without Your Self-Awareness, Part 2

Wow. It turns out there are WAYYYYYY more douchebags in the world than I thought. I received so many emails from readers with examples of common inconsiderate actions they encounter from douches everyday, that I decided to add more common douchey inconsiderate-ness to the list, as suggested by my readers.

Common douchey inconsiderate acts, part 2:

  1. Being loud/texting in the movie theater
  2. Not doing a 4-way stop correctly.  Or a roundabout. Or anything traffic related.
  3. Requesting a million songs for the band to play, and then not tipping.
  4. Interrupting
  5. Riding your bike on the sidewalk when there’s a bike lane.
  6. Not looking for bikers while driving in a town with tons of bikers.
  7. Not bringing alcohol to a party where it’s BYOB
  8. Not sharing your alcohol when everyone’s sharing
  9. Leaving dishes in the sink when there’s an empty dishwasher
  10. Not cleaning up after yourself
  11. Taking too much of one thing at a buffet
  12. Not calling your mother on her birthday
  13. Passing gas at the gym and then walking away (yes, this is an actual complaint from a reader)
  14. Throwing weights around at the gym (from the same reader!)
  15. Asking a girl out, then asking her to pay for both of you (yes, a dude actually did this. What a douche.)
  16. Only talking about yourself.
  17. Cursing inappropriately in public
  18. Bringing a trashy girl to a family function. (I don’t necessarily agree with this, but I thought it was hilarious!)
  19. Not paying, or offering to pay, for gas on a road trip.
  20. Hogging the TV

The list goes on and on…

Can you think of any?

Lesson 8: Don’t Leave Home Without Your Self-Awareness

Self-awareness is a pretty broad concept. It’s the understanding and consciousness of how (and why) you look, feel, think, and act. It’s also the foundation for being considerate of other people.

There are many terms of endearment for a person who lacks self-awareness. One might call him “inconsiderate.” I, of course, call him “douchebag.”

Common douchey inconsiderate acts:

1)   Talking on your phone while in the checkout line for anything and everything.  Do I need to explain why this is inconsiderate? I hope not.

This woman looks so sweet! Don't ignore her:( Get off your phone!

This woman looks so sweet! Don’t ignore her:( Get off your phone!

2)   Texting at dinner with friends. I used to be guilty of this, but I didn’t want to be a douche anymore. Therefore, I now turn my ringer off so I’m not distracted, and if I HAVE to text someone in the hour or two I’m at dinner, I tell my friends in advance and make the text exchange less than 15-30 seconds.

What a loser. She's too hot for you anyway.

What a loser. She’s too hot for you anyway.

3)   Not holding doors for people. This one really gets under my southern skin. It’s not a difficult concept! As you walk though a door, glance behind you. If a person is within a step or two from walking through the same door, HOLD IT OPEN!!!!! This especially applies for men holding the door for ladies. Just do it. Women LOVE gentlemen.

Uh huh. He knows what's up...

Uh huh. He knows what’s up…

4)   Blowing your nasty cigarette smoke all over people who are CLEARLY non-smokers. Unless you’re French.  But you’re not.  You’re American. Take it outside.

UGH! This makes me cough just looking at it

UGH! This makes me cough just looking at it

5)   Driving slow in the left lane. You, my friend, are the ultimate douche. Not even blowing smoke in the face of a little old lady while letting the door slam in her face can be a worse douchebag offense than cruising 60 mph in the PASSING LANE. Get in the right lane or get off the road. Your choice.

And while you’re at it…

Don’t be a douche.

Learn it. Live it.

Lesson 7: Don’t Hit on Girls at the Gym…

Unless you read this first.

I know you’re excited to hit the weights after all the holiday eating and drinking, but let’s keep the testosterone in check with what women want/don’t want in the way of attention at the gym.

(Here’s a hint: They don’t want you to be a douchebag)

Yes, every woman is thinking this.

Yes, every woman is thinking this.

Hey, it’s ok…

  1. To look. And by “look,” I mean, maybe a glance or two. Let her know you’ve noticed her, but don’t linger for more than 1 or 2 seconds, and PLEASE, for the love of God, DO NOT look at her while you’re doing bicep curls, grunting, or making noises of any kind. And you’d better not be wearing a douchey tank or wife beater. No.
  2. To give a compliment. Ideally, you want to say something like, “I like your shoes!” if she’s sporting some new neon green nikes, because A) she loves those shoes, too, and B) hearing a guy say, “I like your shoes” (with a smile on his face), makes a woman feel noticed without feeling like a piece of meat. AND, it saves you both potential embarrassment from other gym-goers listening to your conversation. If she’s at all interested, she will give you cues that she’s ok with talking a little longer.
  3. To chat A LITTLE. Ok…you told her you like her shoes. She smiled, tossed her hair, and said, “Thank you!” enthusiastically. Your turn. Keep it short and sweet.  Smile and say something like, “ I don’t think I could get away with wearing them,” or,  “You look a lot better in them than I would,” or, “I have the same pair at home (wink wink),” then let the convo continue for another 10 seconds, if you’re lucky.

    Nice going, dude.  Just don't outstay your welcome.

    Nice going, dude. Just don’t outstay your welcome.

It’s NOT ok…

1.  To gawk. Especially when she’s on the inner thigh machine.

2. To say creepy things…especially when she’s on the inner thigh machine.

3. To ignore “please leave me alone” signals. ESPECIALLY when she’s on the inner thigh machine.

Catch my drift? Leave women alone while they’re using machines or weights.

Learn it. Live it.

Learn it. Live it.

What a douche. Don't be that guy.

What a douche. Don’t be that guy.

Use common sense. Don’t be a douche at the gym.

Lesson 6: Don’t Air Your Dirty Laundry

On Facebook. On Twitter. On Instagram. On Anything-gram.

Just don’t.

Feeding people's egos since 2004

Feeding people’s egos since 2004

If you want a diary, start a journal.  If you feel the need for everyone in the WORLD to read that journal, start a blog.

If you want people to read that blog, don’t be such a wet blanket. 

Oh lord.

I can’t decide if I’m more annoyed with the obnoxiousness of this post, or the fact that she spelled “worst” wrong. Bless her heart.

You know who I’m talking about. You probably have at least 10 of these douchebags in mind. If you’re completely lost, YOU might be part of the problem (or, it could be that you’re not on social media, in which case, I tip my hat to you, friend).

Gut check

Gut check

Take a lesson in humility.

Or, a lesson from me.

Or, a lesson from ANYONE…I really don’t care…

 Just don’t be a douche.

Lesson 5: Learn How to F#@king Tip, Part 2

By now, you’ve had adequate time to practice tipping your servers 20%.  And thank GOD.  Now when my friend goes on a date with you, I don’t have to worry about leaving my comfortable chair to pick her up because of your douchey ignorance. Or cheapness. Or both.

But we haven’t beaten Goliath yet, sir douche.  There is still more to learn about who, what, when, where, and why to tip.

Let’s get started.

I would tip every time I see something this cool.  Way to go, baristas! You just earned yourself a tip equal to me ordering a venti nonfat soy double espresso chocolate latte dipped in gold, with sprinkles on top

I would tip every time I see something this cool. Way to go, baristas! You just earned yourself a tip equal to me ordering a venti nonfat soy double espresso chocolate latte dipped in gold, with sprinkles on top

First thing’s first: Why you tip.

Here’s your answer: It doesn’t matter. That’s right. The “why” behind it doesn’t matter.  It’s not chemistry.  It’s not science.  This is not a place to ask “why”.  There is no injustice here, no hidden agenda. Tipping is a part of being a decent human being who shows gratitude for the service provided by another human being.

Yes, I know the key word there is service and my devil’s advocates out there will send me scathing emails about how one should only tip for excellent service, and blah blah blah. Guess what scathing devil’s advocate douches? I AGREE with you.

I AGREE that tipping should be for quality service, but not tipping your valet the standard $3-$5 each way just because you have to wait 1-2 minutes for your car is just cheap.  If you don’t like it, don’t valet.  If there’s no way around it, don’t go to the place with valet only. Just stay home.

And while you’re at it, if you’re not going to tip these people the standard amount, you might as well start loving your douchey couch and work from home, because you have no business not treating the service industry with respect:

Restaurants/Bars:

Waiter: 15% minimum for service, 20% for good service

Bartender: $1-$2 per drink. Remember that water takes just as much effort to serve as opening a beer.

Coatroom attendant: $2 per coat

Valet: $3-$5, and more money can make sure your car is closer to the restaurant. There is still confusion as to WHEN to tip the valet: Do you tip when your car is parked? Delivered? Both? The answer is: Both. $3 minimum each time someone gets in/out of your car. C’mon, Douche.  It’s $6 for someone to take care of your douchey car, that I’m sure you put a cover on at night. Don’t be cheap or rude.

Washroom attendant: These people are super annoying, but you still give them $1-$2

Sommelier: 15% cost of the bottle

...so now, take care of us. Or else.

…so now, take care of us. Or else.

Daily Life:

 Taxi Driver: Varies on location and length of ride. 15% is enough, and an extra $1-$2 for help with bags.  I personally tip extra when the car is clean, smells good, and the driver plays nice music without driving like a maniac.

Food delivery person: 15-20%, with a $5 minimum.

Barber/Hairdresser/Colorist: 15-20% minimum. Other services are at least $2-$3 per service, per provider. It is now acceptable to tip the owner, unless he/she says otherwise. (I tip 20%)

Manicurist: 15-20%

Spa Services: 15-20% (I tip 20%)

Handymen: no tip required, but I try to tip at least $10

Staff at coffee/food places with tip jars: no tip required. Completely optional. I think most people just put extra change in the jar, or a dollar if you pay with debit/credit card.  It’s a buck, you douchebag. Here’s what I do: if it’s a place where I eat regularly, I’ll tip at least $1 each time, because I like the people and I see them often.

Travel:

Skycap at airport: $1-$2 per bag if they check you in outside

Hotel doorman: $1 per bag for help with luggage, $1 per person for help hailing a cab

Hotel Bellhop: $1-$2 per bag ($2 minimum if you just have one bag, but that’s weird, so give him at least $3)

Housekeeper: $2-$5 per night. I’m honestly really bad about remembering to do this :(

Hotel Concierge: $5 for tickets or reservations, and $10 minimum if they’re really hard to get.  No tip required when you ask for directions.

And those bedsheets? pretty sure I didn't change them.

And those bedsheets? pretty sure I didn’t change them.

 

You don’t have to like it. You don’t have to agree. But don’t be a douche. Just do it.

Lesson 4: Learn How To F#&*ing Tip

Seriously? SERIOUSLY? How bout, if the economy is so bad right now, STAY HOME.

Seriously? SERIOUSLY? How bout, if the economy is so bad right now, STAY HOME.

Learn how to tip at a restaurant. Please. As a former server, I’m begging you. Because, the only thing worse than a douchebag is a douchebag who doesn’t tip well.  Or maybe a douchebag who doesn’t tip well and therefore contracts some nasty virus from a pissed off waitress who coughs in his food…

Yeah, you'd better stay away.

Yeah sick-o douche.  Keep your bird flu away from me.

Lesson of the day: Calculating the standard 20% tip in 2 easy steps

This is an example of a douchebag tip:

Douche tip

There are so many things wrong with this.  First, the douche used the brainpower to figure what would be needed to make the total $75, instead of using the same brainpower to figure a proper tip. $5.85 is less than 10%!!!! Second, the numbers look too happy to me, which leads me to believe that this person is ignorant of the proper tipping etiquette. Third, the purple ink is just highlighting the bad tip.

We will now correct this douchebag’s douchiness.

Step 1: Move the decimal point one spot to the left. This number is 10% of the total bill.

$6.91 is 10%. Technically, it's $6.92, but you get the idea.

$6.91 is 10%. Technically, it’s $6.92, but you get the idea.

Step 2: Double that amount. Doubling the 10% will give you 20%!

All we're doing is doubling 10 percent, to find 20%

All we’re doing is doubling 10 percent, to find 20%

Here’s a hint: Round up to the highest round number to make life easier.  What I would do is round the bill up to $70.00, and take 20% of $70, to be $14.

So. Much. Easier. (and less douchey)

So. Much. Easier. (and less douchey) Move the decimal to the left, to give you $7.00, then double that. $14 is 20% of $70!

Yes, it’s that easy.  You’ve been pulling out your phone all these years for nothing.

To calculate a 15% tip, move the decimal point one place to the left to find 10%, just like above, then cut that number in half. This means you’re figuring what 5% of the total bill is. Add the 5% to the 10%, and you’ll have a 15% tip:

Calculating 15%

I rounded up to $70 to make life easier. You should be able to do this math in your head.  If you can’t, just practice.

If you’re more conservative with your money, NEVER leave less than 15%. I know you think you’re teaching the servers a lesson for leaving 10% or less when they have a “bad attitude,” but you’re only making yourself look like a douche.

When in doubt, always err on the side of classy, no matter how difficult. 15% for poor service is classy and therefore, will put you in the category of NOT being a douche. Plus, your 10% tip isn’t teaching someone with a poor attitude anything.  Feel grateful that you’re not the douchebag waiter and chalk up the extra dough. Because any waiter who treats you poorly is a douchebag himself.

Next Lesson: The Who, What, When, Where, and Why of Tipping